Why Is It So Taboo To Talk About Salary And Compensation?

hank | Feb 27, 2010 | View Comments


Photo by: takashy

How is it that when we can readily see public sector and professional athletes salaries on the web and not bat an eye at it. I’m sure they discuss these things over caviar all the time and it isn’t that big of a deal; but why does middle class America think it is so taboo to discuss it? I admit it, I never ask friends and family what they make. If they make it readily available for me, I’ll certainly listen, but I have never asked about it. Is it a status thing?

It seems even more ridiculous when you can find and know the price of everything with the advent of the internet. I can find out prices of cars, prices of houses, prices of groceries, tax information, and daycare prices if I really want to online. We have a pretty good idea of how much someone is worth by these things, but still feel it is some top secret information to readily discuss the last piece of that puzzle.

Do I disclose my salary on this site? No. But could you find it out if you wanted to? Totally. Look at my balance sheet, my net worth, and see how much goes in and out. Feel free, it’s out there to find, but I still find myself reluctant, even through anonymity to release that piece of information.

I think it may fall in the way we were raised and the environment we grew up in. I think a big reason may be that some of us are always trying to “keep up with the Joneses” and don’t want to give in that those said Joneses really are kicking our butts in the income category.


Photo by: takashy

I think another big piece of it MAY be the fact that the athletes, public officials, and some celebrities salaries are posted (including the fact that Paris Hilton gets paid MILLIONS to attend parties). We realize that we’re up against some pretty big $$$ and that our measly salaries are nothing compared to those apples…

But why the mindset in the first place? I never knew what my parents made growing up. Eating hotdogs and macaroni and cheese 4 times a week though gave me a pretty good indication; but they never actually let on anything. I’d suspect that my dad (mom stayed home to take care of us) brought in no more than 20k through the 80′s and left in the 90s and I’d bet when my mom went back to work she was barely pulling in 10-12k in her first few years, nearly to 25k now, but I never knew.

Does the lower class discuss salaries openly? In tight knit families I bet they do. If you’re all working to pay for the roof over your head, I’m sure it is readily available information at the dinner table. Heck, it would have to be.


Photo by: takashy

I’m not rich, nor am I poor, but I can’t tell you the salary of any of my family members, nor do I feel I should ask. Yes, I am certainly interested; but not enough to pry and ask. I would actually probably feel pretty uncomfortable about it. I remember growing up when you’re in your teens, people older than you always asked me though, assuming that I made minimum wage, I’d be happy to pipe up that I was making WELL above the minimum wage of $4.75 and that I was paid very well at $5.15. :)

So how about worldwide though – Is it just an American thing? Like I said earlier, I’m even confining it to American middle-class right now – prove me wrong if you can, I’m happy to listen. Half Sigma started a post last year about it and what he makes and it has generated a pretty good list so far. These people seem willing to share, anonymously, but still willing.

Is there ever a GOOD time to ask what someone makes? Maybe a rephrase, is there ever an appropriate time to ask what someone makes? I ran across a post my MyOpenWallet and they said:

“The question isn’t one that people are used to asking, I think. It seems rude, and your motivation for asking could be questionable. In many cases, maybe people would rather not know. But more often, I’m sure people are dying to know, although they would never dream of just coming out and saying it: “How much money do you make?”

And I agree – it DOES seem rude, but is that a thing that is a mindset? Would you care as much if you knew EVERYONES salary? if you knew the salary your boss, his boss, your co-workers, your family, your friends – would it numb the subject any? I’d think it would certainly change things up, but in different facets. The newly found rich people would be hit up by charities more, the poorer people wouldn’t have to try to live up the Joneses mentality, and likely would be richer by NOT having to live up to something they weren’t.

Ultimately it sounds like the issue isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. I’m sure I’m not going to be passing on any new developments on that front because to me, it is rude, at least at this point in my life… Convince me differently?

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  • I work in an industry where salary is supposed to be based on performance. I don't ask anyone else what they make, because if I find out that someone who I feel isn't working as hard as me, makes more money than me, it would very likely impact the relationship. It probably shouldn't but it would.
    .-= Greg Keene´s last blog ..Are you ready to help someone else? =-.
  • I don't know. I have never really understood that either. I have asked my friends how much they make, and told them what I make, but they usually look at me sideways, like "why did you ask me that, you know you're not supposed to ask me that."

    Whatever - taboo is not taboo. Get over it people! It's just a question.
  • from an employee relations’ perspective, the requirement can create ill will from exempt employees who consistently work more than 40 hours a week without additional compensation.
  • JC
    Sometimes it's taboo because we all might get paid different amounts in the company. So if person A gets paid $70k while person B is paid $60k because he's a bad negotiator or whatnot, it might cause some stress to the manager if person B found out.

    But I don't really care. If people asks me directly I'll tell them how much I make.
  • Interesting discussion Hank.

    Well, I'm from Singapore, an Asian country. Down here, it's pretty much of a taboo to discuss salary openly.

    I've heard of cases where coworkers got wind of each others' income and the relationship turned sour. they were comparing what they did and what they got paid for.

    I do business development, and I know that often, one's salary is not tied only to how much work one does. There are market forces like supply and demand at one... it can cause situations where one who contribute more gets less than someone who contribute less (in the short term, at least).

    So... I hope this gives some clarity.
  • @Alex - thanks for the comment - are you from the US? At your day job, do you headhunt for technical jobs or just a certain business?

    @Raymond - thanks for stopping by - I tend to agree, in theory, with what you say, but I'm sure there are pros and cons to disclosing the salary - but I DO like your idea of showing what a position CAN make - and then laying it out to show the person where they CAN go based on their performance -

    @Aaron - I can see the shame factor also, but like I said, if they WERE shown, people would have to be living in a "plastic world" thus helping them out - what do you think?
  • I think another factor (albeit a minor one) is shame. I think most people know when they're living beyond their means. If everyone knew how much you made, how could you get away with funding your current lifestyle with credit?
  • raymond
    Hi Hank and Alex - one thing to note though is that maybe people would work harder if they knew what other people made. I mean if I was making 100k and my co-worker 80k, I would think my boss would make it apparent that I would have to bust my ass and perform above the 80k guy to be worth it. If I was achieving that, it would be fine. On the same note, if the 80k guy was achieving my goals and working to my capacity, he would have a good case to get a raise as it is in plain day what he needs to do to reach that. I am all for disclosing salaries to everyone. I make 55k as a desktop admin in Florida which I don't think is too bad, but then again, I don't know what my coworkers make.
  • I don't disclose my salary on my blog or talk about it with friends either, but it's funny - I'm a recruiter and when working have that salary conversation 100s of times per week and think it's perfectly normal, even when working with previous co-workers.
    I think it's good to stay tight lipped about it though, there's no reason to make friends think they have more than you or less than you - it should have nothing to do with your friendships. Coworkers are obvious because of the resentment it can create in the office.
  • I don't disclose my salary on my blog or talk about it with friends either, but it's funny - I'm a recruiter and when working have that salary conversation 100s of times per week and think it's perfectly normal, even when working with previous co-workers.
    I think it's good to stay tight lipped about it though, there's no reason to make friends think they have more than you or less than you - it should have nothing to do with your friendships. Coworkers are obvious because of the resentment it can create in the office.
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